Suffering From Success

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19 Jan 2026

7 Min Read

Emma Chee Luo Yi (Contributing Writer)
IN THIS ARTICLE

Success doesn’t have to make us suffer. Question the expectations we’ve inherited, and explore what it means to define success on your own terms.

I have a confession to make: staying busy used to feel like proof that I was a success.

 

If you’ve ever seen that meme of a Google Calendar filled with rainbow-coloured blocks, captioned, ‘How can I meet my friends when I don’t even have time to see myself?’, then you already know what my college years looked like. A-Levels? Check. Five clubs and societies? Check. Competitions and tuition wedged between classes? Check and check. I overextended myself every day, but the praise for my grit, the pride of an expanding network, and the approval of others felt addictive. Achievement was my emotional caffeine—I couldn’t function without it.

 

Naturally, this burnout-now-and-bounce-back-later lifestyle followed me into university. A packed schedule meant I was achieving; an empty one meant I wasn’t doing enough. On paper, everything seemed to be going my way: a shiny postgraduate degree, a well-paid part-time job, and an exciting friend group. Then, 22 arrived like a plot twist—for the first time, pushing myself past my limits didn’t lead to a comeback arc for months.

 

You might think this is just another story of unhealthy hustle culture, the kind you scroll past on a Monday morning. But living through it felt too real, too painful, and far too common to ignore. The weight of it all forced me to pause and ask myself: How did this happen? What beliefs was I living by, and why did this drive for success once feel so normal?

The Success Blueprint We Inherited

Let’s be honest: the hustle culture we’re drowning in didn’t start with LinkedIn. A lot of it comes from the way many of us were raised—especially in Asian families that meant well but pushed hard. If any of these ring a bell, you’re in good company:

  • Grades as a measure of worth: From a young age, scoring well on every test was non-negotiable, and tuition after class was just part of the routine, all to make sure those perfect grades actually happened. The message was clear: our worth was tied to report cards, and anything less than an A might earn a death glare from our parents.
  • Endurance as a badge of honour: The harder we pushed, the more admired we seemed. Teachers praised our perseverance, while parents expressed their own version of praise, usually with a late-night bowl of cut fruits. White hair and dark circles? No worries—they were just our battle scars.
  • ‘Popular, you’re gonna be popular!’ Thanks to social media, popularity isn’t just about who gets to sit at the cool table in the cafeteria anymore—it’s measurable. Likes, views, and followers became social currency, and a generation growing up online learned to judge their value by numbers on a screen.
  • Hustle as a rite of passage: ‘Grind in your twenties, enjoy life later!’ We’ve heard it countless times before. Rest was treated like a prize for surviving burnout rather than a basic human need. It was the speedrun mentality: sprint through your youth so you could relax someday. Except that ‘someday’ always seemed to move further away.
  • Career as a parental peace offering: Careers in medicine, law, and engineering—the holy trinity of ‘guaranteed success.’ Anything else was considered risky, nudging many of us towards ‘safe’ choices that kept our parents happy, even if it meant sidelining our own passions.

When Success Becomes Suffering

When success turns into a performance instead of a personal journey, the price comes due. Mental health takes a hit, identities begin to blur, and even our bodies start to protest. Here’s how it shows up:

  • Burning out academically: A study by UCSI University found that high school students with high perfectionism and test anxiety are more likely to experience emotional exhaustion, grow cynical, and feel less capable academically. In other words, the harder you chase that list of As on your report card, the faster you burn out—something many of us learned the hard way.
  • Struggling with anxiety and depression: Choosing a degree to make your parents proud, instead of pursuing one you’re passionate about, comes at a real emotional cost. Research found higher levels of anxiety and depression among first-year university students who enrol in courses to meet parental expectations rather than follow their own aspirations.
  • Losing ourselves: Somewhere along the way, fun had to be ‘productive,’ and leisure activities became resume-building exercises. The more ‘successful’ we are by societal standards, the more we lose touch with who we really are. Life shifts from what genuinely brings us fulfilment to how we appear to others.
  • Feeling like you’re never enough: Between proving your worth, keeping pace with your peers, and living up to others’ standards, it’s easy to feel like you’re constantly falling behind, never amounting to enough. That relentless pressure and constant comparison can make us feel lonely and isolated.
  • Keeping score in our bodies: While you can ignore stress, your body can’t. Malaysian youth are showing higher rates of obesity, hypertension, and diabetes alongside rising mental health problems—a clear sign that mental and physical health are deeply intertwined.

 

Redefining What Success Means for Ourselves

The internet has no shortage of posts exposing outdated success models and the education system behind them. The old blueprint is cracking, but noticing the cracks isn’t enough. To build something that actually works for our lives, we need to redefine success, starting at the foundation:

  • Prioritising rest: Hustle culture lied: running on empty isn’t admirable. Before your own definition of success can take shape, sustainable growth needs space. Slow down, breathe, and allow yourself real rest. Caring for your mind and body isn’t indulgent; it’s what keeps your drive going.
  • Discovering what makes you feel alive: Any meaningful journey begins with knowing yourself. Think back to moments when you felt truly alive—pursuing a passion, connecting with others, or seeking new experiences. Noticing what fuels you makes it easier to keep your tank topped up.
  • Choosing authenticity: Focusing on what drives you frees you from what doesn’t. Living in alignment with your values reduces resistance and gives your life a sense of purpose. After all, success should fit your personality, not the other way around.
  • Embracing change: You don’t need a five-year plan to take a single step in a new direction. Try things, fail, then try again. These small acts of courage chip away at perfectionism. Most importantly, allow yourself to outgrow old dreams—change is part of growing up.
  • Attracting your people: You don’t have to figure everything out on your own. Reach out and let those you trust in. They can either ground you when you’re struggling or celebrate you when you’re succeeding. These relationships help you grow, hold you accountable, and show you that you matter more than your achievements.

Conclusion

‘Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won’t be dissatisfied, you won’t be envious, you won’t be longing for somebody else’s things. On the contrary, you'll be overwhelmed with what comes back.’ – Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

 

Redefining success isn’t a single epiphany—it’s a daily practice. And no, you’re not meant to have all the answers at 16, 19, or even 22. But you can start with a simple question: Is the blueprint of success you’re following truly yours, or someone else’s?

 

Answering that question for myself meant being vulnerable about my feelings, my limits, and what I truly wanted. At 22, I hit my lowest point, but admitting that the path I was on didn’t align with who I really was changed everything. I asked for help, let go of commitments and relationships that no longer served me, and opened myself to new possibilities. In many ways, it felt like my life was only just beginning.

 

That’s what success feels like when it’s truly yours—not in the awards, the grades, or the accolades, but in the quiet courage to be honest with yourself and live a life only you can lead.
Want to discover your voice and inspire others, just like the author? Explore our Foundation in Arts or Diploma in Communication programmes to develop yours—and make it heard.

Emma Chee Luo Yi pursued Cambridge A Level at Taylor's College before attending the University of Western Australia. A Master of Strategic Communication student with an artistic soul, she studies during the day and writes, draws, or crochets at night!
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