Are you in the mood for love? Be sure to read this before you rush into a relationship!
To me, being in a romantic relationship is like a bar of chocolate. How so? To put it simply, a chocolate bar is bittersweet. The cocoa beans in chocolates alone, symbolises the bitterness, whereas the hint of sugar adds to its sweetness. That’s how I see relationships.
Imagine the cocoa beans to make chocolates as the start of a relationship with someone.
The planting, roasting, shell removal, and grounding as the hardwork and effort put into a relationship by two parties.
Then, the mixing of the chocolate powder, cocoa beans, and cocoa butter are the moments in life, all the failures, successes and fun that you experience together.
And finally, in the end, a bar of indulgent chocolate as the final outcome of a romantic relationship with your plus one.
Well, this is just one of the takeaways from my previous relationship. Of course, the lessons don’t stop just here. Scroll down to find what else I have taken away from a relationship!
Take your time to truly understand the person, and get to know them well before you jump into a relationship. It takes more than just the ‘feeling’ to be with someone — you’ll have to learn to accept them for who they are, including their imperfections, in order for the relationship to work.
If you don’t feel comfortable transitioning into a romantic relationship, be frank with the other person and tell them that you’re not ready to move into the next stage of the relationship.
Truth is, you may never be ready, but it’s alright! With time, as you grow closer and feel more comfortable together, you may finally feel mentally matured and ready, and that’s when you know that you’re ready to be committed to someone. Otherwise, maybe it’s a sign that this person isn’t for you and that’s OKAY :)
OKAY, I don’t mean it literally haha. What I mean is, sharing common values and interests with your partner will definitely ease the relationship compared to not having any similarity at all. For instance, if you hate going out but your partner loves to spend every minute outside, it may be tough to spend quality time together.
I’ve learnt that you and your significant other should first come into this romantic relationship by having the ‘talk’ about your expectations and goals, and see if they’re similar and how they differ. When the both of you share common goals, it’s easier to help each other and work together to achieve these goals.
Of course, no one is a 100 per cent identical, so you’ll also want to address your differences and find ways to work around them.
Being the bigger person also means to be responsible. People, including myself, often mistake being the bigger person as having to give in or succumb to the other person in a relationship to avoid arguments. Truth is, being the bigger person just means to always do the right thing by weighing its importance.
“Will this matter in the long run?”, “How will it affect our relationship if I let this go or not.” I’ve learnt to be selectively compromising.
What does that mean? Being selectively compromising means to be open to accommodate someone else but with the condition that you feel comfortable doing so. T
ake overcoming fears as an example, if your partner is a sucker for high ground outdoor activities, and constantly presses you into overcoming your fear in heights but perhaps you physically cannot do so due to scarring incidents in your past. Then, be upfront and truthful about this to your partner.
If your partner respects you, they’ll understand and be more considerate when asking you out to activities which involve heights. Remember, be selectively compromising, and more importantly, honest with yourself.
I’m confident that this statement is self-explanatory. Many enter into a relationship thinking they’ve control over what their partner does. But being in a relationship isn’t ownership.
Don’t ever let your significant other’s behaviour control yours and neither should you try to control your partner. We may feel the need to change or ‘correct’ their behaviour when it’s not ‘right’ but the truth is, change can only come from within.
And if you or your partner doesn’t want to change, there isn’t much that can be done. Instead, I’ve learnt that learning to control how you react to your significant other’s behaviour, is better than forcing them to change. Embrace their habits, and if you can’t, you may have to rethink if this habit is worth your tolerance.
A relationship is based on love and trust. So, let’s get real before we get lost and lonely; let’s be clear that a relationship is a two-way street. A relationship can’t work if either person lacks either of the two attributes.
Forcing someone to stay in a broken relationship may cause a more serious damage in the long run. As much as we love them, at this point, it’s best to let go and learn to connect to your own feelings, be in control of yourself, and seek those who genuinely want you as a company.
I’ve learnt to let go, to accept if a relationship doesn’t work out and focus on self-growth.
All that said, what if you ended up not being compatible? Well, it’s not game over if you’ve fallen out of a relationship. You should always know that a break up is never the end for you. It just means that the future has something more and maybe even better to offer you, and it has yet to come. Mentally, how you deal with a breakup is indeed very important. Instead of condemning your past relationships, try to forgive. Treat your relationships as life experiences and learning curves to improve yourself.
A dear friend of mine told me this, and I quote, “Never ever live by seeking validation or worth from someone else. You must first learn to live happily and confidently for yourself, and then only you will begin to open your heart to love someone else.”
Life is too short to hold grudges.They say, life’s a bag full of surprises right? While this experience may be the end of an old chapter of mine, it certainly is the beginning of a brand new one. These takeaways and lessons serve as a learning curve for myself, which I do hope can help to open the eyes of others too.
With that said, hope y’all are having a good time during this season of love <3
Michelle Lee Shu Ling is currently pursuing Foundation in Business at Taylor's College. She is a Secretary of Taylor's College Student Council and Director of Taylor’s Model United Nations who enjoys writing from time to time!
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